When you work in public service it can seem counterintuitive to say "no," but it's necessary for two reasons: 

1. We have to follow certain policies and procedures. Some can be flexible and up to staff discretion, but ultimately there are hard lines we draw. This is where we can redirect their expectations and provide solutions. Here are some phrases you may want to use:

• A citizen needs something we can't help them with.
  • "I'm not sure how that program is run, but if you're comfortable giving me your contact info, I can pass it along to the person in charge."
  • "We don't have tax assistance here, but here is a brochure for where you can find local assistance."
  • "We can't give legal advice but let me give you the information for Legal Aid; they might be able to assist you further."
  • "Unfortunately, that is out of the scope of services we provide. If you're interested, I can give you the information for the adult services librarian and they can set up a 1x1 to answer specific technology questions."
• A citizen requests personal info for someone else/ a staff member (e.g. they want to check out books on someone else's account, but they're not an authorized borrower, or they ask about a staff member's schedule).
  • "I'm not sure when __ will be back in the office. Is there something I can help you with?"
  • "I don't see you listed as an authorized borrower for them. If they can give us a call and just approve that you're allowed to take these out, I can update that info on our end!"
  • "Unfortunately, we have a strict confidentiality policy that prevents me from telling you that. Is there something else I can do for you?"

2. We have to make sure we're being protected, safe, and respected in our jobs. According to the county employee handbook, we deserve to be able to do our jobs without being harassed or threatened. This is where we need to outline strict boundaries for their conduct. Here are some situations where you may need to set personal boundaries for difficult interactions:

• A citizen asks you about your personal beliefs (religious, political, etc.).
  • "I'm not comfortable answering that question."
  • "My beliefs have no bearing on my ability to help you. Do you have something library related I can help you with?
  • "As a county employee, I can't espouse my beliefs at work."
• A citizen is raising their voice to you. 
  • "Ma'am, I will not be able to help you if you continue to speak at that volume."
  • "I am happy to assist you to figure out this issue, but I cannot do so when you're shouting."
• A citizen has had repeated run-ins with staff. This has escalated up to managers/Jordan. Jordan said we can set service boundaries for how we handle them in the future.
  • "I know __ has helped you before, but I am more than happy to help you with this."
  • "__ is busy right now. How can I help you?"
  • "Since we've had issues finding solutions in the past, I asked __ to let me know when you were here so I could help you directly."
  • "Sir, you'll conduct your library business only online, by telephone, or here, with designated supervisors. We're not allowing you to engage with our employees here, based on your previous comments and behaviors. You can still use the library, but you won't be interacting with our employees without our supervision."

Remember: You deserve to be safe and respected. If you need help with any of these interactions, please reach out to your direct supervisor.

Additional resources:

• Responding to Uncomfortable Situations presentation
• Myra Golden is a fantastic customer service specialist. Here are some articles from her site: 
  • 57 Phrases to De-Escalate Any Angry Customer
  • 20 Phrases to Set Boundaries with Difficult Customers
• Tirex Labs: Learning to Say "No" Kindly: The Art of Boundary-Setting in Customer Support

Posted by Emily Correa on 9-4-2025